This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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