whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
