Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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