There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
