I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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