the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
