Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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