I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you never un-have a 4some
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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