What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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