Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
