i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
