I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize