All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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