dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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