using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize