I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
