I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
