her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's blow job season.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
