Screwed.edu
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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