Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
