i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
