is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and she was petting her beer can
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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