youre lurking in front of me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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