he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
