and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
