i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
