Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
