ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
