I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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