There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I want is dick and wine.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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