Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
