D3 body, D1 cock
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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