Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I look better un-naked...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
