somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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