I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
