what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize