Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
