Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
