At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
no more duck duck goose at the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
