I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
