Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
