so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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