Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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