WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
