where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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