Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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