i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
