Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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