So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
