so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
