Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
