Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
