Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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