I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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