He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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