I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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