Cold hands, warm shart.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
