I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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