I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
