I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
