Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
