I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
