When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
