they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
