I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
