she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
