he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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