its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
