I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
