two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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