Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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