It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
