she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
