While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
