I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
