I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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