I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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