I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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