she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
