I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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