dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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