First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize