Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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