just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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