Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
