he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
