I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
