1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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