I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
