i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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