I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm passing your future prison.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
