dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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