Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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