I've blown a few things in my day
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
