so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
