she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
