I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
