yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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