I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
