Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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