take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
