My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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