I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
