I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
