Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
