Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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