you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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