um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
