so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
