wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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