My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
