remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
