Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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